The next few paragraphs may sound legalistic, but don't let that throw you - I am an easygoing and fun guy! A few couples misunderstood and expected that an hour late would be no problem, so this part became important to clarify somewhere. Your wedding should start at approximately the time for which it has been scheduled. My services are provided for up to one hour and I may have to leave after that to officiate at another wedding. All of the wedding services in which I have been involved have been less than 30 minutes and most are under twenty minutes, so that still gives some flexibility on time. However, as a courtesy to guests who are waiting, the service should start at approximately the scheduled time. When the deposit is received, the date and time of the wedding are set in stone unless some later agreement is reached between us to change the date and time. Dates and times as posted on this web site are the dates and times that couples have agreed upon with me for the wedding and rehearsal. Any changes in these dates and times without mutual agreement between me and the couple may nullify our agreement. If my services cannot be provided due to a change in the date or time by the couple, then the deposit will be forfeited and I will not be obligated to officiate at the wedding. While I will attempt to be flexible on the rehearsal date and time for our mutual benefit, the wedding date and time must be fixed at the time of the deposit so that I am free to schedule other weddings around it. The rehearsal date and time may be decided after the wedding date is set, but if the rehearsal date and time is left undetermined at the time of the agreement on a wedding date and time, then you will have to be flexible about the rehearsal date or I may not be able to be at the rehearsal because of previous commitments. I encourage you to secure your date with a deposit as soon as possible, even though it seems like a long way off. The wedding scheduling season is upon us and dates go fast. I have some pending requests that are not on the calendar, so I encourage you make your plans soon. Click on the button above to fill out a simple form to ask if I am available to officiate at your wedding on the date that you have chosen. or, CLICK HERE to email me at gary@garyritner.org regarding these wedding dates Be sure that we have agreed upon the rehearsal time as early as possible since I often do two weddings on the same day and the rehearsal times need to be coordinated - especially if both are the night before. If you want me to be at the rehearsal, schedule that with me as soon as possible. If I am not available at the time you had hoped for, you might consider having a rehearsal two days before the wedding if possible and necessary for my schedule. If you decide not to use my services after we have discussed a date, please inform me as soon as possible so that I can make other plans as well. On a few occasions, I have contacted couples some time after our conversation and they had made other plans for their wedding without informing me. They assumed that if they did not send a deposit, then I would know that they were not planning to use my services on that date. Some people have just delayed sending their deposit, so this assumption is not always true. Therefore, I ask that you inform me if you have made a decision not to use my services so that I can make other plans as well. Couples worry about worst-case scenarious that never happen. There is always a solution that works, even if it is not ideal. Here is one example scenario and a solution that works. So, don't even worry about this one. On the way to the wedding an accident claims the life of your wedding officiant or sends him to the hospital. What would you do then? Don't cancel the wedding. You have a copy of the service. Have someone stand in for the wedding officiant and read the service. Then, appear before the wedding officiant or another officiant at your earliest convenience for a private ceremony to make it legal. My Involvement in Your Reception - If you want me to say a prayer before the meal at your reception, that may be possible if your reception is soon after the wedding and not far away from the wedding site and I do not have another wedding service within a couple hours after your wedding. My busy schedule makes it very difficult to take a few hours of travel time and waiting to attend your reception and I hope you will understand if I cannot make it. If your reception begins within an hour of the wedding and is not more than ten miles from the wedding site and you want me to come to the reception, feel free to invite me or not. Feel free to ask me to say a prayer if you wish. Assume that I will not be at your reception unless you send me an invitation or you invite me and we have agreed that I can be there. My Involvement in Your Rehearsal - I am happy to conduct your rehearsal if you wish to have one. If you are having a private, small or home wedding, you may prefer NOT to have a rehearsal. If you plan to have a rehearsal, be sure to agree with me on the time of the rehearsal as soon as possible to be sure that I can be at the rehearsal. It is not always necessary for me to be at the rehearsal. Most of what happens at the rehearsal involves the bridal party walking in and out and some related details for ushers. The couple often has clear ideas of what they want to do and can direct the bridal party in these details. I will help wherever needed and defer to anyone who wants to direct anything. If you want to have a brief rehearsal on the day of the wedding, I recommend 90 minutes before the wedding and I will be there if you wish. Just be sure to arrange with me for this time. Rehearsals are sometimes held on a day other than the night before for various reasons when the bridal party or family is not flying in the day before. If I have two weddings on the day of your wedding, then a rehearsal the night before at an earlier time, like 4 pm or a later time, like 7 or 8 pm - or another day - may make it possible for me to be at your rehearsal as well as the other rehearsal. Otherwise, rehearsals often happen around 6 pm and finish by 7 pm to allow for travel and your rehearsal dinner afterward. It is NOT customary for me to be at the rehearsal dinner and I do not expect to be invited. Music - I have no restrictions on the use of secular music. Photography - I have no restrictions on the behavior of the photographer. That is up to you. (Many clergy restrict the photographer from taking pictures during the service, but I do not.) Wedding License - The license should be requested at least a month before the wedding date. Usually, there s a five-day wait for the license after applying. (Once requested the license is valid for six months). A license is required from the state where the wedding is performed. Two witnesses over age 19 are required. I am responsible for its proper signing and returning it to the county where it originated. The wedding license is issued by a County Office and I am just the licensed officiant who signs to signify that the wedding took place. Be sure to get your wedding license from a County Office at least five days before I officiate your wedding. Be sure to bring it to the rehearsal. If you forget, bring it to the wedding. If you do not bring it by then, we will have to meet again with the license in hand for you to have a legal marriage. If this becomes necessary, there will be an additional $50 fee for my officiating this second brief ceremony. IF THE WEDDING LICENSE IS NOT IN MY HANDS BEFORE THE START OF THE WEDDING, THIS WILL NOT BE A LEGAL WEDDING (This has happened only a couple times in my 850 weddings). IT WILL BE A NICE CEREMONY, BUT WE WILL HAVE TO DO YOUR LEGAL WEDDING AT ANOTHER TIME WHEN I HAVE THE LICENSE IN HAND BEFORE YOUR LEGAL MARRIAGE CAN TAKE PLACE. If you need a certified copy, you can take the license to the court house and have them make a certified copy for you. This is not needed, usually, but some legal circumstances may require it. Some counties will send this certified copy to you automatically, in about three weeks. The Best Man and Maid of Honor are the usual witnesses, but others can be the witnesses. You can apply for your license from any county in Colorado. Article "A Simple Approach To Wedding Planning" by Dr. Gary Ritner Some people love to plan. They jump into the process like a research project and will not feel comfortable until they have found many books to read and web sites to study. They want to know all of the things that they should do, all of the things to avoid in planning their wedding and leave nothing to chance. That is one personality style and it is valid and can be fun if that is what you enjoy. However, if you are one who likes to keep things simple, you might benefit from my suggestions about how to take the simple approach. First, don't read too much. Second, don't think too much. Third, don't worry too much. Start from the perspective that this is your wedding and you have a right to do things your way. Others will appreciate whatever you do. Besides, you are the center of attention and all the details are just the small stuff that does not matter half as much as your smile, your looking at each other lovingly and your moment to exchange vows and rings, and kiss. Let your officiant handle the performing of the order and details of the service that you have designed and chosen and don't worry about what happens next - just feel the moment to the fullest. Fight off anxiety and replace it with joy and a deep sense of the wonderful meaning of this moment. Keep tissues handy! Ask for help from friends and family and trust them to be there when needed. Make a short list of things to do and check them off when they are done. Ask someone to do those things for you - for example, bring the license, give it to the officiant, give checks to the officiant, musicians, caterer; pick up and return dresses and tuxes, pin on flowers, bring a unity candle or sand, round up people for pictures and clean up afterward. In other words, avoid anxiety at the wedding by having other people in charge of the details so that you can have a good time and relax and soak in the beauty of the moment. Location of your service and reception are the first things to decide, because venues schedule up to a year ahead. Find an officiant who will cooperate with your wishes. If you know each other well, avoid jumping into a counseling situation that could disturb the waters by challenging your decision to marry. You are together and have decided to get married for good reasons, hopefully. If you have come this far, avoid second-guessing now under pressure. However, you might consider a learning approach with a counselor that helps to improve your communication and relationship in areas that you have identified as in need of some positive help. Wedding planning can be the most stressful when there are many minds involved. Do your parents have a lot of ideas about your wedding? Are they paying the bills? Receptions are often a party thrown by the parents and they might be given a big 'say' in this planning if this is the case. If not, stress can be reduced by making clear decisions early and asking for support from others to make them work. Many couples have a clear pattern for decision-making about their wedding. Often, the groom is willing to support the suggestions or decisions of the bride about the service. Grooms tend to nod their heads in approval and agree with her thoughts on service details. On the other hand, bigger financial decisions tend to be a group decision based on what each feels about the wedding budget. Compromise is common. Both have to live with the consequences of financial decisions. When both are involved in and agree on the final decision, it sets a good pattern for making big decisions and makes for a happier honeymoon and life after. To keep it simple and avoid stress, approach the wedding as a party at which you plan to have fun with friends and family. Avoid thinking about impressing people. Avoid worrying about things going wrong. You cannot control everybody and everything no matter how hard you try. If something does go wrong, enjoy it and laugh your way through it. It may turn out to be the most fun and memorable moment after all. Take advantage of my flexibility and make the service exactly what YOU want it to be. Together, we can take the worry out of your ceremony and put fun and meaning in its place. Helpful Tips List - I make these points at most rehearsals Do you have the wedding license? Please present it to me now so that I can be sure that you are ready for a legal marriage to take place. Do you have the final balance? Please present it to me now so that we can get that out of the way and enjoy the rehearsal and wedding without having to think about it again. This is your wedding. If I suggest anything and you have a different idea, your idea wins. Interrupt me and tell me how you want it to be done and we will do it that way. A good wedding kiss lasts approximately five seconds (shorter and people think you don't really like each other, longer and someone shouts 'Get a Room!') Tilt your head to the right and your partner tilts to the right and you avoid a collision of noses or an awkward kiss. Practice the kiss a few times before the wedding to be sure you both agree on how it will be done. The rings almost never fit so loosely that your partner can push it on successfully. Therefore, help to slide your own ring on. It usually gets stuck at the knuckle. Helping with your own ring usually avoids an awkward moment at which the guests usually laugh. Carry tissues in the flowers, a pocket (for the groom) or have the maid of honor hold them just in case - many couples who really needed them did not have them - be prepared just in case. Look at each other. Many couples feel that they should look at the officiant when he/she is speaking. This is not necessary. Avoid looking too much at the officiant. Look lovingly into each other's eyes or down at your hands or smile at your family and friends. An occasional look or smile at the officiant is fine, of course. Look at each other as you hear the words and let them sink in, nod in agreement, smile or laugh as appropriate. I say this because some couples have looked at me during the whole ceremony and it struck the guests as somewhat odd. When you arrive at the front at the beginning of the wedding, the bride holds her flowers and not the hands of the groom ... until she gives the flowers to the maid of honor when the time for exchanging vows has arrived. This is not a hard and fast rule. Bride, if you want to hold one hand of the groom and the flowers, do it. Otherwise, hand your flowers over to the maid of honor just before the vows and then hold both hands of the groom. The kiss is usually the last thing in the ceremony (unless you want to be presented as husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs., groom and bride and last name, or 'I present to you a new family joined by love and blessed by God', etc.). Everyone claps after the kiss and the recessional music starts. Putting anything after this in the ceremony is usually anticlimactic and it interrupts the flow of the conclusion. The mother of the bride is usually the last to be escorted in and the first to be escorted out. Traditionally, this is done because she is the guest of highest honor. When a father walks the bride down the aisle, he usually stops a few feet short of the groom, hugs and/or kisses the bride on the cheek and hands her right hand to the groom with his left hand and shakes the right hand of the groom with his right hand. Then he sits down. The father of the bride walks on the bride's right side, the same side as the groom is standing up front. Receiving lines are often optional if the wedding is at the same location as the reception. The simplest receiving line is the bride and groom with parents. The bride's mother and father are often first, then the groom, the bride, the groom's mother and father. This makes it easier for introductions of people on the other side of the new family. If there are stepparents or other complex family situations, develop an order that works for you and which is sensitive to those involved. Think ahead about who should sit where if there are stepparents, in order to avoid an awkward moment at the rehearsal or wedding. Make sure everyone knows where they will be sitting. Be sure to notice the moment where you repeat the vows, so that you are not surprised by that. Sometimes the groom (since he is first) forgets to repeat the vows after the officiant or the vows for the ring and the guests laugh. Of course, laughter is fine, but some couples feel embarrassed by such moments and wish that they had been trained better. So, here is that training. Be sure to wait for being prompted with the words, "If so, say 'I do'", before replying, "I do." Some tend to jump the gun and say "I do" after the first question and the guests laugh at the overly eager response. Flex your knees occasionally to avoid feinting. Locking the knees (like standing rigidly 'at attention') for a long time shuts off the blood supply to the brain and causes feinting. Bridesmaids and groomsmen should face the guests at a forty-five degree angle so that the guests can see them well. They should look over their shoulder a little to see the bride and groom. The bride and groom should stand at a thirty-degree angle to the guests so that guests and the photographer have a good view of them. This is my preference. Some officiants do it differently. If you have another idea, go for it. Keep it simple. Relax, enjoy and feel the moment! Make it fun! Don't worry! Be Happy! Some of My Goals of Officiating (Reassuring Details for the Couple) Respond to email requests, agreement forms and phone calls as quickly as possible (asap). Send a receipt for the deposit asap. Return the formatted or corrected Ceremony Word file asap. Arrive at the wedding an hour before the ceremony begins, or slightly before the agreed upon time - always be early and never late. Thoroughly research the location, including road issues between here and there. Print out maps and carry them with me in my car. Onstar directs my travel, so we can all count on my being there and not gettng lost. Have my cell phone charged up and ready to receive calls at any time (especially on the day of the rehearsal or wedding so that I can call the couple, the location, or they can call me in case anything has changed or goes wrong - never does, just good to be prepared for traffic delays). Personally connect with key family members or friends of the bride and groom. Ask for the license at the rehearsal. If it was not brought to the rehearsal, that is ok. But it does run the risk of forgetting on the wedding day and it makes it just one more thing to think about instead of having fun (same goes for the final balance due to the officiant). Get this out of the way as soon as possible. Fill out the license at the rehearsal or before the wedding, There is so much commotion afterward and so many other fun things to do. If a photo of the signing is desired, use the souvenir copies the day of the wedding to restage the photo of the signing. When leaving for the wedding, bring the agreement form, notes for the wedding prepared during the meeting with the couple or rehearsal, the copy of the service, robe (if appropriate), other equipment requested. Help the couple to enjoy the wedding and be relaxed with encouraging words, smiles and comforting tones. Smile a lot but don't be overly dramatic. Memorize as much of the service as possible to make the presentation smooth. Keep a finger on the place in reading to maximize eye contact with the guests and couple. Speak slowly and loud enough to be heard clearly. Check appearance in a mirror just before the wedding starts. If I am not expected/invited to be at the reception, congratulate the couple and the parents after the service, and discreetly depart. Enjoy the day and help others to do so as well. Pay attention to details and think ahead. But relax as though this service will go as perfectly as almost every other one has.